How to Kill Imposter Syndrome

Well…it can’t actually be killed, but hear me out:

I hate to break it to you, but everyone experiences imposter syndrome, and it never really completely goes away, no matter how hard you work to believe in yourself. But, the good news is that you can tame it. 

When I was first starting my last agency, which I grew to $1 million in revenue, every single day during our team standup, I would jokingly say, "I don't know what I am doing." But underneath the humor, I was right -- I had no clue what I was doing and feared one day that someone would uncover all my weaknesses. I felt like they were all on to me.

It wasn't long before I started feeling more anxious, as our client load increased, and our pricing went up, that I knew I needed a massive mindset change. These thoughts weren't serving me, my team, or my clients. According to them, it appeared as though I had my sh*t together. They were all looking to me for answers and results. I needed to change how I thought about my ability.

What Is Imposter Syndrome?

It's a feeling of inadequacy that you aren't smart enough, good enough, talented enough … to be in the position you're in. It's a feeling that at times can be so strong; it causes you to step back, slow down, not speak up or otherwise quit because you feel you lack the competence. It's not an actual syndrome, but more of "intellectual self-doubt."

I am sure you're already nodding your head like yeah.

The term was first coined by the clinical psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes in the 1970s as a way to understand impostorism from high-achieving women. Their paper was called "The Imposter Phenomenon in High Achieving Women: Dynamics and Therapeutic Intervention." The syndrome is also linked to other feelings of self-doubt, such as fear of failure, fear of success, or self-sabotage. But it's not only another sign of low confidence, or excessive shyness. It involves a constant worry of exposure, isolation, and rejection.

Here are 11 ways to help eliminate imposter syndrome so that you can lean into your business and career in ways that may shock your competition. 

1. Get Around Other Open High Achieving Women

Operative word: open. You need to talk about your feelings of inadequacy with other women who are also experiencing imposter syndrome.

"A group therapy setting or an inter-actional group in which there are some other high achieving women experiencing the impostor phenomenon is highly recommended. If one woman is willing to share her secret, others are able to share theirs. They are not astonished and relieved to find they are not alone," explains Clance.

So how do you find these women? Facebook groups! There are many women asking questions (sometimes too many) about certain aspects of their life and business. Take it as a queue that they are seeking help and feel comfortable being open. 

You can also reach out to your business coach or mentor. The more open you can be about how you feel, the easier it will be to conquer your feelings of inadequacy. Plus, a coach or mentor will likely have some tips to help you cope.

2. Think about how much you're losing out on because you're playing small

If you don't believe in yourself and what you can accomplish, then you will perpetually play small. Most people don't know what the f*ck they're doing. Some of their success is luck, yes, but most of it is actually calculated effort, strategy, and hard work. No one ever got smart, got rich, got famous, or got ahead because of just luck. And remember, those that are ahead of you also feel inept at times. Even Oprah experiences imposter syndrome.

3. Use imposter syndrome as a driving force

No matter how hard you try, you can't be completely free of these feelings, unless you're a narcissist. If you are, I have a great book suggestion for you. But you can actually harness these powers to serve you. 

Some believe that these feelings of inadequacy occur when we are in a new position, like a new job, or launching a new business, and we are just figuring out what we don't know. That gap between what we know now, and what we know we don't know but need to know (bear with me here), can give you a general sense of your feelings of incompetence. So the best solution for this is to learn!  

Educate yourself about your current situation so that you can, at least, show up a level or two ahead of where you are. This could mean taking an online course, hiring a coach, reading a book, watching some TED talks (like Mike Cannon-Brookes How You Can Use Imposter Syndrome To Your Benefit,) or listening to podcasts. 

4. Know when your perfectionism is getting in the way

"Imposters" are often perfectionists who seek to create and launch things only when every damn puzzle piece is put in place. The potential for failure, because of their ridiculous standards, stops them from even doing anything at all. 

As Sheryl Sandberg says, "done is better than perfect." So focus on getting things done and doing what you can with what you have.

"It's better to have tried and failed than to live life wondering what would've happened if I had tried." - Alfred Lord Tennyson."

5. Separate emotions from facts

Could it be that you're just feeling emotional about this? There will be many times you may feel stupid, but realize that you aren't. 

Fact: You have 10-years of experience as an online marketer working for someone else. Fact: You are launching your online marketing business. Emotion: You aren't cut out for this and will fail. Emotion: No one will buy from you because they don't know who you are.

There is so much opportunity in that situation if you can see it, like how to tell your story, your marketing case studies from when you had a job, your years of experience, and more. This is a publicist's dream, to carve out the story that positions you above your competition. Be your own publicist and write your story.

6. Create a new association to failure

In my podcast interviews, I ask one question to every guest, "what is one of your biggest business failures," and the resounding answer is "my biggest lesson learned is that …" See how these women completely flipped the script? Failure is a lesson, and we have to fail to grow. 

I have failed a thousand times, and in those early years, I took everything so personally. It could take me days, if not weeks, to get over the silly mistakes, but in the end, the growth was astronomical. 

Today I look at challenges that have a massive potential for failure and ask myself, why not? The worst-case scenario is that I learned some valuable business lessons.

7. Admit to your failures

This FEELS SO GOOD!! When the timing is right, admit to the mistakes and the failures you've gleaned from life/business. It's relatable and makes you look like a standup entrepreneur. 

I am sure you know of some people who seemingly have all their shit together. How do you feel about them? You likely have a sneaking suspicion that their life is not all sunshine and rainbows. Because of that, you can't trust them as much and take every opportunity to try to figure out what's not right about them. You don't want to be that person.

Trusting people are authentic, and they are proud of their mistakes. As you know, customers only buy from those that they know, like and trust, so if you always paint this pretty picture of perfection, they'll catch on to you, and then what? Not good.

8. Rewrite the rules

If you think that successful people have never asked for help, have always known the answer, and have never failed before, honey, you've got something to learn.

You need to rewrite the rules about asking for help so that you feel comfortable. Not always knowing the answer and realizing that is reputable. It doesn't matter who you are; you are given just as much grace to be wrong, to have a bad day, to slip up, and to ask for help as the next person. We all respect the askers-of-help.

9. It's ok to feel 'out of your league'

Just don't freeze or get paralyzed by it. Use it as a force for growth, bravery, and courage. Instead of telling yourself that you're out of your league, flip it to "I have a lot of exciting things to learn and am motivated by this new journey." It also means that there is more on the line, so you need to protect what you've already accomplished and look ahead to make sure you're headed in the right direction.

10. Don't compare your chapter one to someone else's chapter 11

If you're just starting, you have a lot to learn, a lot to experience, and a lot of trial and error ahead of you. You do need to do some market research and competitive analysis, but this should never paralyze you. More so, it shouldn't become obsessive.

I have coached women in business who became so transfixed on what their competitors or colleagues were doing that they lost all sense of their purpose. Their motivation dwindled, and they started to lose out on some amazing opportunities.

Let me ask you this; if for a month, you weren't allowed to watch your competitors or to those who are achieving more than you, how would you feel? What would you do with that extra time? Yeah, sister -- I feel you. There is so much time, space, and grace for those that are on their journey and in their chapter.

"Comparison is the thief of joy." - Theodore Roosevelt

11. Own your success

Lastly, I want you to take a moment to look back on what you've already accomplished. How did you get there? Who supported you? How do you feel about it? You need to own your success because there are many people who admire you, whether you know it or not. When someone compliments you on anything, your clothes, your hair, your work, your podcast, simply say "thank you" and internalize that energy.

You are already a champion, and I sense that you just need to feel that in yourself. GO there -- and crush it!  

Image:  Vladyslava Andriyenko